I have 4 girls my two oldest were born to us with no problems. After several years of infertility we adopted our 3rd daughter. In 2007 our 4th was born to us with severe spina bifida. She is almost one now. One thing that I've learned thru all of these experiences is that the way a situation looks from the outside is rarely how it really is on the inside.

I also remember feeling that when we adopted our daughter that we left the realm of a 'normal' family. What I didn't know was that we were entering the world of extraordinary. The gift of an adopted child is so overwhelmingly huge. The euphoria you felt when you had Nicole isn't diminished in anyway when you adopt. Different yes...but not less. In some ways it's more!

I felt the same way when we found out we would have a child with a disability. The way it seems to have a disabled child from the outside is just not how it feels for us on the inside. We feel so lucky to be able to take care of this sweet little daughter.

my blog: thelifeandtimesofmissjen.blogspot.com

I love your column, and this is my favorite one. It made me cry. You perfectly put into words what so many of us have felt. Only those who have struggled to have children know how it feels and how much it hurts, but I believe that our family finds their way to us and we end up exactly the way we are supposed to be - together. By marriage, birth, and adoption we find each other. A friend gave me a poem once that said her adopted daughter didn't grow under her heart, she grew in it. I know your heart will grow a wonderful family - it already has.

I once had a friend who had been adopted as a child tell me that his adopted mother once told him,"You were suppossed to be my child and you were suppossed to be part of our family. You just had to get here a different way." Once a new little person is placed in your arms and you are given the resposibility to care for him or her, that child will just be yours.

What a beautiful way to think about families and children. Your words have left me in tears.

I cannot remember the exact words but there is a song lyric that says something like "I hope I can be half the father he didn't have to be". That may not be the exact quote but it is close enough for me and my heart as I think of how some very special people add adopted children to their families every day.
As a grandparent I can easily say that children are very easy to love and no matter how they become part of our familys there is plenty of love for each and everyone of them.
I understand the feelings you have about your plans and what you feel you may have lost but I truely belive Nicole needs a healthy mother by her side as she grows up and would not care a bit how her brothers and sisters became part of her family.

I am so grateful for you and for my husband. He like you was willing to adopt and to love a child as his own. He tells me everyday how special his 5 children are. He never separates with yours and ours. He only loves them all the same saying "she was meant to be mine. I knew it the first time I saw those brown eyes". I believe as your family grows, you too will notice a bound and know that only with each addition is your family complete. I also know that each and everyone of your children will be amazing because they will be raise with a mom who loves them and who gives a piece of herself to them everyday.

I can't even imagine the emotion it took to write this column. I appreciate you sharing what so many families are going through and it takes courage to put yourself out there like this. Thank you so much for writing these and letting us into your home and heart. Any baby will be lucky to have you as their mother!

I got that news from my doctor last December -- just in time for Christmas! And I don't know that my heart will heal enough to even handle another baby, as much as I want a daughter to add to my two sweet sons.

But I look at it this way -- after getting married, I wondered if I'd ever get pregnant, so the first pregnancy (after 3 years trying) was a huge blessing.

Then, if it weren't for modern surgery, the baby and I would both have died birthing him. The second baby triggered the PPCM, but at least I have two delightful children. Some people never get even one naturally. So I feel extremely fortunate.

I know two other little boys that lost both parents. I would not want to risk my sons being motherless.