This story falls so close to home. I’m not a victim; I am a survivor of Domestic Violence. Unfortunately, the woman in this story will never realize the difference. Sadly, most victims realize early on, even if they do report the abuse, chances of getting away from their abuser is slim. Even with protective orders, abusers will find a way back into your life.
I helped the state put my abuser behind bars being assured, he would not have access to me ever again; and now I am in fear for my life because he did a mere two years of a five year sentence; then absconded and is seeking me out.
I was abducted by my abuser, held at knife point for eight hours, beaten and promised that he would take my life. Now I ask, did the system really protect me; or did it just give me a short two years of respite from him?
My heart goes out to the family involved in this story; your efforts to protect your loved one do not go unnoticed. “Yes” the authorities should have taken the calls much more seriously, as she might have become a survivor, not a victim.

Tracie's story is too typical.
At the moment, in Vancouver, B.C., a coroner's inquest is looking into the death of a wife and her 6-year-old son, her parents, and the husband who killed himself when he was done slaying his family.
There, too, police and the court had been involved several times before the husband committed the final deed.
As Oprah's shows have proven over and over, getting away from an abuser is much more difficult than others understand. All we can do is support, support, support, and stand ready to help.
And those being abused need to document every incident and share that documentation with reliable friends.

When I read stories like this, my heart breaks! I've seen too many women in this situation. The cops come (taking their own lives in their hands--domestic violence calls are dangerous. Frequently the victims don't carry through and prosecute after all). They question the victim--often in the presence of the abuser, who can either make it look like a two-sided fight, or who can intimidate the victim into saying things are fine--as happened in this case. If the abuser ever is arrested, he does no or minimum time and then is out again and the victim is at horrible risk. No wonder women are afraid to tell.
We have to teach our sons that there is NO excuse for physical violence against women! And maybe another key lies in helping our girls be healthy enough emotionally that they don't fall for abusive men--a retired NYPD friend of mine told me once of a woman whose calls he answered over about a 12 year period--three marriages, three different men, all wife-beaters!
My heart goes out to the family--how they must be suffering. The "if onlies" are so terrible to deal with when a tragedy happens.

I too am a survivor, thank goodness for a supportive and loving family who moved me out in time. My father is a sheriff, and the thing that he sees alot of are women who get a restraining order and then ask the judge to remove it. Women do not have to live with abuse and in fear. These men are vicious and have no morals or feelings, only hate and domination. It makes me sick that this man was such an snimal.

I am also a survivor. When I fled, my (now ex) husband drove around drunk looking for me. A neighbor answered their door at 4 AM to see me standing there bloddy and the cops were called. My abuser actually saw the cop cars, pulled up to talk to them got arrested, and bailed out in 3 hours. He got sentenced to more time (1 month) for the DUI then he did for almost killing me (2wks) Served 3 wks total and was released. He is now in prison for completely different charges not related to me but somehow he is still blaming me. I am scared to death about him getting released as I fear he will seek me out for revenge for whatever I did (which was truthfully nothing). They always need someone to blame their problems on.

It just doesn't make sense!

I hope this family finds comfort in knowing he can no longer hurt her and that they don't punish themselves for not getting her out of the situation. Fact is, she is the only one that could have because we each have to find that strength to leave. It is hard to do though!

We keep hearing how hard it is to leave an abuser, and I don't doubt that. I also don't doubt that the abusers are charming and sweet in the beginning.

However, how many cases of abuse would end had they nipped them in the bud at first slug? Women need to pack their bags and leave at the first sign of violence, not forgive and beleive him when he tells her that he is sorry and will never do it again. The longer they stay, the more power the man has and the harder it is for her to find the courage.

Girls - DO NOT GIVE THE MAN A SECOND CHANCE!

I agree with Anonymous (11:47) in that girls need to leave the guy. The fact is, too many girls naively fall the charmers. I was single for a long time because I was a nice (read: boring to the girls) guy who wouldn't harm a fly. Meanwhile, I watch all the girls swoon over guys who'd say anything to the girls, even when they knew it wasn't true. And they loved it.

Girls, you have some responsibility to not get together with scumbags. It's only asking for trouble.

Colors of the Heart

Incomprehensible measures
of love and fear
crying eyes
searching for colors
in the hearts they love
where love is only a stamped emotion of life
and fear is reality

Walk away – easy words
from those who’s eyes
live with colors
not just the hues of gray and black
but colors of joy in the hearts they love

Walk away,
yes easy words
for those who wake to sunshine
and sleep to the sounds
of lullabies.

But imagine the sounds
of tears
and shouts
and dreadful cries
proceeded by blows
imaging...
that it’s not so easy
to walk away.

For fear has a way
of blocking the light
and shading the
colors of the heart

is it my fault,
fearful eyes may ask?
can I splash my
life with the colors
I perceive
those around me see?

Can I fix this reality of fear
if only I try
one more time?
And if I walk
to the colors of the heart
what is my destination,
and will it be there for me?

mike varoz

I wrote this poem in support of the Peace House in hope that we will all support this worthy cause.

I disagree that reporting is the key. Why is it that we continue to focus on what SHE should do? The statistics and the stories show that leaving or reporting it does not stop the violence- instead it often escalates when the domination of the batterer is challenged. And if it does stop the violence for that victim, then the abuser goes on to the next one. Even if we "fixed" all the victims, the abusers are still out there and will continue to prey on women. The criminal justice system focuses on victims and how they recant, etc- but if they do go through with prosecution, the guy may get a few weeks in jail, if any jail time at all! How is that considered protection? Batterers continue to batter because they can- they have manipulated all of us into blaming the victim for staying, recanting, not calling the police, etc. They will continue to batter until the responsibility for stopping the violence is taken away from the VICTIM and put on the community.