To avoid constant criticism and bickering, we limit our contact with her. Mom complained about this, and I politely explained why she sees less of us. Of course, this didn't help because she sees nothing wrong with her behavior. She said my husband made me say these things and he's the one keeping us away from her. She refuses to see it's her own doing.

I've learned that Mom has cried to the rest of my family about how horrible my husband is, never missing an opportunity to badmouth him. I don't see the rest of my family very often, and I hate to think they believe my mom. She can be very convincing. My main concern is that she'll talk that way around my 6-year-old daughter, and I don't think that would be good.

It's a shame that honest discussion has never helped and avoiding her is what works best. Should I suggest she talk to a therapist, or are some people just naturally unpleasant to be around? —Midwest Mess

Dear Midwest: Oh, absolutely, some people are just naturally unpleasant, which doesn't mean therapy won't help them, but they are unlikely to recognize the need for it and do the necessary work to make it successful. You could ask your mother to go to therapy with you, together, to work on your problems. Still, it will help to keep in touch with the rest of the family so they can get to know your husband the way you do. And if Mom says one negative thing about your husband to his child, you should remove the girl from her presence and inform Mom that there will be no more visits with her granddaughter unless she can behave.